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Category Archives: Random Thoughts

Is Love really worth it? In the last year Love has done nothing to convince me it is. Just yesterday I had 2, not 1, 2 friends get there hearts ripped from their chests and handed to them. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we intentionally seek out situations that will literally kick us in the emotional balls? I’ll tell you why. Because some jackass decided that there were Soul-mates. Yes I said it! I do not believe in the concept of soul-mates! The concept of a soulmate is utter shit! Am I really supposes to believe that there is only one person out there that I can truly be happy with? And if so I have no way of finding this person other that just possibly running into them one day? Um seriously? That’s stupid! But it’s this absurd concept that keeps people coming back time and time again! Ugh and I’m not saying I haven’t done this myself and I kick myself every day! Makes me want to punch Cupid in the face!

Damn it’s been way to long sense I posted here! God my life just sorta seems like it’s stalled dead in it’s tracks. I’m trying to get back to the city by October but seems like every obstacle is getting in the way not to mention the biggest one of all….me. The anxiety I feel is not pleasant and I have no idea where it’s coming from. So many things scare the crap out of me about going back, but staying scares me just as much. I feel like I’m missing so much and I don’t know if it’s true but I feel people in Fresno are slowing forgetting me. Not literally but like they are adjusting to me not being there and something that was only supposed to be temporary is slowly becoming permanent. I feel emotionally weaker now than when I left. I need to find my strength. I need to tend to the garden of my confidence. I find my thoughts consumed with He Who Shall Not Be Named. Not that I miss him or want what I had, in fact just the opposite. The inevitable confrontation that we all must face is closing in and the thought of it gives me a sick feeling. What will I say? Will I keep my cool? Will I loose control? It’s loosing control that scares me the most. Rage is a hurricane and even I can’t stop it. I want to just be done with it. Hmm. Maybe I’ll sleep better with my internal thoughts all over the interwebs. Maybe.
Gotta say though, I’m grateful of all my friends both here and there. Don’t know where I’d be without them.

So unfortunatly I lost my job again, but I’m not worried because I think this is a sign that I news to move back to Fresno. I have an odd sense of comfort about this that I cam only describe as the hand of God on my shoulder. It would have been raiser if I had my brothers faith. Man that kid amazes me I’m the level of faith he has. It blows my mind.

I know there are those who feel me going back to Fresno is not the best decision, but all I can say is I know deep down inside that I don’t belong here in Mariposa and I know that I am ment for somewhere else.

Well if anyone in Mariposa or Fresno heats of any kind of job opening please let me know. Well until next time

Ok so yes it’s been a while since I have posted but it’s difficult to get to an internet signal so sue me! So you’re getting 4 blog posts in one! ha!

First off I want to confront a rumor I heard about my self recently and make sure everyone is one the same page. Yes I am still Gay. I have not been cured because there is no cure because it is something biological. I’m not going to start some sort of debate here but that’s me opinion.

Second, I in no way want any kind of relationship with my Ex. At all. Not even a little one. Nothing. That ship has sailed and hopefully hit an iceberg.

Third, Iron Man 2 was the shit! I had very low expectations for it, (I mean honestly ScarJo as Black Widow?!?!?!?!?) but I will say I was pleasantly surprised. She did ok. And the rest if the cast…WOW amazing! I really want to see it again!

Lastly I’m getting my Iphone really soon! I’m super excited I can’t wait! You will have a blog post from me every day! yay!

hahahahahahahaha so that’s it not much else to tell

So I remember saying that this would not be a weight loss blog, but to bad it’s my blog lol. So I discovered that Friday that I have lost 50 pounds since November. I seriously don’t even know how I did it. It just sorta happened. I think I’m the poster child for stress causes weight gain. I have been so not stressed the last 5 Months that i think it is just melting off! I wanna lose another 50 by September and I really think I can do it. I have this surge of confidence that is coming from Jupiter know where. It’s going be tough but I really think I can do it!

The title pretty much says it all. Go to Hulu.com and watch her performance from last night. Go ahead. I’ll wait. No seriously go! Ok your back. Was that not the worst thing you have ever seen? Seriously, I watched that live. That’s time I’ll never get back. And they compare her to Lady Gaga?! No! Gaga can at least sing live. Yes I know some people don’t like her cause she says things that may or may not be based in truth, but she can perform and that’s what counts. I vow that I will one day bring Ke$ha down!!

So I have said that I didn’t like the show Glee, but in a recent moment of clarity that i have had this week I really decided to give it another chance so I DVR’d it last night. Wow. I really do like this show. I wish I would have watched it from the very beginning. Damn my bitterness. Yes I said bitterness. One of the hardest things I have had to deal with sense coming out is the fact that I really don’t have a place to sing anymore. With my life not being where the church believes it should be i don’t feel it would be prudent to ask to sing in church anymore. So that leaves very few places to truly belt out a good ballad. But I miss it. Alot. For a while the only time i was truly happy was the 3 to 4 min where i got to sing a song in front of a croud. I guess that’s just part of life

So i have decided to delete my MySpace. I hear it’s dead now anyway right? It just seems I get friend requests from promoters for clubs, or girls who want me to see their new boobjob. Gross. Everyone I know is on Facebook anyway.

Yes I know. For years i talked nothing but crap on it and called everyone who got one a sheep. Well Baa Baa Mother Fucker! I’m a sheep I know it. So I’m hoping I can get one soon cause what I didn’t know untill now is that I can update this damn Blog from it! Whoo Hoo! Papa is getting an IPhone baby!

Yes i started a Blog. I have officially moved to the dark side. I have been toying with starting a blog for a few months. i feel like the world just doesn’t give me the outlets I need to say what i need to say. So before you ask this will not be a blog about what i do in any given day. no this will not be a blog about my attempts at weight loss of my search for true love. This will be a collection of the random thoughts that fly through my head that in most cases never grace the world we live in. If that sentence just shot a chill up your spine,  then don’t worry, that just means you are still sane. I will not apologize on this blog. i will not pull punches. I will leave no one unscathed. I will take no prisoners. Consider your self warned. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHcough.