Skip navigation

Monthly Archives: August 2010

Is Love really worth it? In the last year Love has done nothing to convince me it is. Just yesterday I had 2, not 1, 2 friends get there hearts ripped from their chests and handed to them. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we intentionally seek out situations that will literally kick us in the emotional balls? I’ll tell you why. Because some jackass decided that there were Soul-mates. Yes I said it! I do not believe in the concept of soul-mates! The concept of a soulmate is utter shit! Am I really supposes to believe that there is only one person out there that I can truly be happy with? And if so I have no way of finding this person other that just possibly running into them one day? Um seriously? That’s stupid! But it’s this absurd concept that keeps people coming back time and time again! Ugh and I’m not saying I haven’t done this myself and I kick myself every day! Makes me want to punch Cupid in the face!

Advertisements

Damn it’s been way to long sense I posted here! God my life just sorta seems like it’s stalled dead in it’s tracks. I’m trying to get back to the city by October but seems like every obstacle is getting in the way not to mention the biggest one of all….me. The anxiety I feel is not pleasant and I have no idea where it’s coming from. So many things scare the crap out of me about going back, but staying scares me just as much. I feel like I’m missing so much and I don’t know if it’s true but I feel people in Fresno are slowing forgetting me. Not literally but like they are adjusting to me not being there and something that was only supposed to be temporary is slowly becoming permanent. I feel emotionally weaker now than when I left. I need to find my strength. I need to tend to the garden of my confidence. I find my thoughts consumed with He Who Shall Not Be Named. Not that I miss him or want what I had, in fact just the opposite. The inevitable confrontation that we all must face is closing in and the thought of it gives me a sick feeling. What will I say? Will I keep my cool? Will I loose control? It’s loosing control that scares me the most. Rage is a hurricane and even I can’t stop it. I want to just be done with it. Hmm. Maybe I’ll sleep better with my internal thoughts all over the interwebs. Maybe.
Gotta say though, I’m grateful of all my friends both here and there. Don’t know where I’d be without them.